Funny Things To Email & Forward

Donut Seeds

Funny Admin — Wed, 10 Mar 2010 16:13:56 +0000

I wonder if we can really plant these in our backyard. We'd all be in a glutinous, yet blissful, world!

Another Asshole

Funny Admin — Tue, 02 Mar 2010 16:18:18 +0000

The wife and I were sitting around the breakfast table one lazy Sunday morning. I said to her, "If I were to die suddenly, I want you to immediately sell all my stuff.."

"Now why would you want me to do something like that?" she asked.

"I figure that you would eventually remarry and I don't want some asshole using my stuff...."

She looked at me and said: "What makes you think I'd marry another asshole?"

Bottle of Merlot

Funny Girl — Tue, 16 Feb 2010 16:27:24 +0000

A man asked a waiter to take a bottle of Merlot to an unusually attractive woman sitting alone at a table in a cozy little restaurant.

So the waiter took the Merlot to the woman and said, "This is from the gentleman who is seated over there," and indicated the sender with a nod of his head.

She stared at the wine coolly for a few seconds, not looking at the man, then decided to send a reply to him by a note.

The waiter, who was lingering nearby for a response, took the note from her and conveyed it to the gentleman.

The note read: "For me to accept this bottle, you need to have a Mercedes in your garage, a million dollars in the bank and '7' inches in your pants."

After reading the note, the man decided to compose one of his own in return. He folded the note, handed it to the waiter and instructed him to deliver it to the lady.

It read: "Just to let you know things aren't always what they appear to be: I have a Ferrari Maranello, BMW Z8, Mercedes CL600, and a Porsche Turbo in my several garages; I have beautiful homes in Aspen and Miami , and a 10,000 acre ranch in Louisiana. There is over twenty million dollars in my bank account and portfolio. But, not even for a woman as beautiful as you, would I cut off three inches.

Just send the wine back..."

A Fact of Life

Funny Admin — Mon, 08 Feb 2010 21:51:06 +0000

Good Ole Frank

Funny Admin — Thu, 04 Feb 2010 16:15:11 +0000

Good ole Frank… A man walks out to the street and catches a taxi just going by. He gets into the taxi and the cabbie says, “Perfect timing. You’re just like Frank.” Passenger: “Who?” Cabbie: “Frank Feldman. He’s a guy who did everything right all the time. Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happened [...]

A Bad Nightmare

Funny Girl — Mon, 01 Feb 2010 16:11:27 +0000

A lady had a nightmare one night and woke her husband up. “Quick!” she said. “My husband is coming back!” Her husband JUMPED out of bed, quickly put on his clothes, and ran to the door. Just as he was opening the door, he stopped and said, “Wait! This is MY house!”

Garlic Warning

Funny Admin — Wed, 27 Jan 2010 15:18:27 +0000

For years doctors and scientists have told us that some foods are good for us, only to be told later that they bad for us, and again they tell us that some foods are bad for us, and all the time they’ve been good for us. There doesn’t seem to be much proof either way [...]

I’ve Fixed It, Part II

Funny Admin — Thu, 21 Jan 2010 22:43:27 +0000

I’ve Fixed It, Part II

Funny Admin — Mon, 18 Jan 2010 22:42:53 +0000

I’ve Fixed It, Part I

Funny Girl — Tue, 12 Jan 2010 22:35:34 +0000