Funny Things To Email & Forward

Be careful of how you read the fine print.

A cowboy walks into a bar and after two steps in, he realizes it’s a gay bar.

“What the heck,” he says to himself, “I really want a drink.”

When the gay waiter approaches, he says to the cowboy, “What’s the name of your manhood?”

The cowboy says, “Look, I’m not into any of that. All I want is a drink.”

The gay waiter says, “I’m sorry but I can’t serve you until you tell me the name of your willy. Mine for instance is called NIKE, for the slogan ‘Just Do It.’ ”

That guy down at the end of the bar calls his SNICKERS, because “It Really Satisfies.”

The cowboy looks dumbfounded, so the bartender tells him he will give him a second to think it over.

So the cowboy asks the man sitting to his left who is sipping on a beer, “Hey bud, what’s the name of yours?”

The man looks back and says with a smile, “TIMEX.”

The thirsty cowboy asks, “Why Timex?”

The fella proudly replies, “Cause it takes a lickin and keeps on tickin!”

A little shaken, the cowboy turns to two fella’s on his right, who happen to be sharing a fruity Margarita and says, “So, what do you guys call yours?”

The first man turns to him and proudly exclaims, “FORD, because ‘Quality is Job One’.” Then he adds, “Have you driven a Ford lately?”

The guy next to him then says, “I call mine CHEVY…..’Like a Rock!’… And gives a wink!

Even more shaken, the Cowboy has to think for a moment before he comes up with a name for his manhood.

Finally, he turns to the bartender and exclaims,”The name of my willy is SECRET. Now give me a beer.”

The bartender begins to pour the cowboy a beer, but with a puzzled look asks, “Why Secret?”

The cowboy says, “Because it’s ‘STRONG ENOUGH FOR A MAN, BUT MADE FOR A WOMAN!!!’ “

Two redneck farmers, Jim and Bob, are sitting at their favorite bar, having a beer.

Jim turns to Bob and says “You know, I’m tired of going through life without an education. I think I’ll go to the community college, and sign up for some classes.”

Bob thinks that’s a good idea, and the two leave.

The next day, Jim goes down to the college and meets the Dean of Admissions, who signs him up for the four basic classes:  Math,  English,  History, and  Logic.

“Logic”, Jim says, “What’s that?”

The Dean says “I’ll give you an example.   Do you own a weed-eater?”

“Yeah”, says Jim.

Dean says “Then, logically speaking, because you own a weed-eater, I think you would have a yard.”

Jim says, “That’s true, I do have a yard.”

“I’m not done”, says the Dean.  “Because you have a yard, I think, logically, you would have a house.”

Jim says, “Yes, I do have a house.”

The Dean says, “And because you have a house, I think, logically, you  might have a family.”

“Yes”, Jim says.  “I have a family.”

“I’m not done yet”, the Dean says.  “Because you have a family, then, logically, you must have a wife, so logic tells me you must be a heterosexual.”

Jim says “I am a heterosexual.  That’s amazing  -  you were able to  find out all of that because I have a weed-eater!”

Excited to take the class now, Jim shakes the Dean’s hand and leaves  to go meet Bob at the bar.

He tells Bob about the classes he signed up for:  Math,  English, History,  and  Logic.

“Logic”, says Bob.  “What’s that?”

Jim says, “I’ll give you an example.  Do you have a weed-eater?”

Bob says “No.”

Jim says, “Then you’re a queer.”