Funny Things To Email & Forward » General Jokes

A New Way of Doing Math

Funny Admin — Tue, 01 Jun 2010 13:09:51 +0000

Click on the link below to see how Ma and Pa does their math. Very entertaining!

http://worriersanonymous.org/Share/Mnpakettle.html

What a Discount!

Funny Admin — Fri, 14 May 2010 07:12:01 +0000

I recently went on a San Francisco tour and head into the heart of China Town.

I wanted to buy some strawberries but was too embarrassed to haggle with the vendor...

Photo & commentary submitted by our dearly beloved subscriber.

Donut Seeds

Funny Admin — Wed, 10 Mar 2010 16:13:56 +0000

I wonder if we can really plant these in our backyard. We'd all be in a glutinous, yet blissful, world!

Bottle of Merlot

Funny Girl — Tue, 16 Feb 2010 16:27:24 +0000

A man asked a waiter to take a bottle of Merlot to an unusually attractive woman sitting alone at a table in a cozy little restaurant.

So the waiter took the Merlot to the woman and said, "This is from the gentleman who is seated over there," and indicated the sender with a nod of his head.

She stared at the wine coolly for a few seconds, not looking at the man, then decided to send a reply to him by a note.

The waiter, who was lingering nearby for a response, took the note from her and conveyed it to the gentleman.

The note read: "For me to accept this bottle, you need to have a Mercedes in your garage, a million dollars in the bank and '7' inches in your pants."

After reading the note, the man decided to compose one of his own in return. He folded the note, handed it to the waiter and instructed him to deliver it to the lady.

It read: "Just to let you know things aren't always what they appear to be: I have a Ferrari Maranello, BMW Z8, Mercedes CL600, and a Porsche Turbo in my several garages; I have beautiful homes in Aspen and Miami , and a 10,000 acre ranch in Louisiana. There is over twenty million dollars in my bank account and portfolio. But, not even for a woman as beautiful as you, would I cut off three inches.

Just send the wine back..."

Good Ole Frank

Funny Admin — Thu, 04 Feb 2010 16:15:11 +0000

Good ole Frank… A man walks out to the street and catches a taxi just going by. He gets into the taxi and the cabbie says, “Perfect timing. You’re just like Frank.” Passenger: “Who?” Cabbie: “Frank Feldman. He’s a guy who did everything right all the time. Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happened [...]

Garlic Warning

Funny Admin — Wed, 27 Jan 2010 15:18:27 +0000

For years doctors and scientists have told us that some foods are good for us, only to be told later that they bad for us, and again they tell us that some foods are bad for us, and all the time they’ve been good for us. There doesn’t seem to be much proof either way [...]

Italian Business School

Funny Admin — Mon, 26 Oct 2009 13:52:58 +0000

“Luigi,” the father says to his son, ‘I want you to marry a girl of my choice.’ Son says: ‘I will choose my own bride!’ Luigi says: ‘But the girl is Bill Gates’ daughter.’ Son answers: ‘Well, in that case, ok’ Next Luigi approaches Bill Gates and says, ‘I have a husband for your daughter.’ Bill Gates answers, ‘But my [...]

Bert’s New Boots

Funny Admin — Thu, 01 Oct 2009 16:05:04 +0000

An elderly couple, Margaret and Bert, moved to Texas . Bert always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots, so, seeing some on sale, he bought them and wore them home. Walking proudly, he sauntered into the kitchen and said to his wife, ‘Notice anything different about me?’ Margaret looked him over. ‘Nope.’ Frustrated, Bert stormed off into the [...]

Three Beers

Funny Admin — Fri, 25 Sep 2009 18:23:54 +0000

A man went to a bar in Ireland and asked the bartender for three beers. The bartender serves the man the three beers and watches as he goes to a table by himself and takes a sip out of each beer, one at a time. After three weeks of the man coming in and doing [...]

Hotdog

Funny Admin — Tue, 22 Sep 2009 22:23:54 +0000

A Chinese man came to US and his friend took him on a tour around in the city. Along the way they stopped at a hotdog stand for a bite. As he was eating the hotdog he commented “In China we eat every part of the dog except this part.”