A few days ago I was having some work done at my local garage. A blonde came in and asked for a "seven-hundred-ten".

We all looked at each other and another customer asked, 'What is a seven-hundred- ten?'

She replied, 'You know, the little piece in the middle of the engine, I have lost it and need a new one.'

She replied that she did not know exactly what it was, but this piece had always been there.

The mechanic gave her a piece of paper and a pen and asked her to draw what the piece looked like.

She drew a circle and in the middle of it wrote 710. He then took her over to a car just like hers which had its hood up and asked 'is there a 710 on this car?'.

She pointed and said, 'Of course, its right there.' the mechanic fainted

If you're not sure what a 710 is open the picture to find out.

The bartender asks, "What’s wrong?"

The old man looks at the bartender through teary eyes and between sobs says, "I married a beautiful woman two days ago. She’s a natural blonde, twenty-five, intelligent, a marvelous cook, a meticulous housekeeper, extremely sensitive to my wants and needs, very giving, my best friend, and intensely passionate in bed."

The bartender stares at the old man for a brief moment and says, "But that sounds great! You have what every man wants in a woman, so why are you crying?"

The old man looks at the bartender and says, "I can't remember where I live!"

While the IRS agent was checking the books he turned to the CFO of the hospital and said, "I notice you buy a lot of bandages. What do you do with the end of the roll when there’s too little left to be of any use?"

"Good question," noted the CFO. "We save them up and send them back to the bandage company and every now and then they send us a free box of bandages."

"Oh," replied the auditor, somewhat disappointed that his unusual question had a practical answer. But on he went, in his obnoxious way.

"What about all these plaster purchases? What do you do with what’s left over after setting a cast on a patient?"

"Ah, yes," replied the CFO, realizing that the inspector was trying to trap him with an unanswerable question. "We save it and send it back to the manufacturer, and every now and then they send us a free package of plaster."

"I see," replied the auditor, thinking hard about how he could fluster the know-it-all CFO.

"Well," he went on, "What do you do with all the leftover foreskins from the circumcisions you perform?"

"Here, too, we do not waste," answered the CFO. "What we do is save all the little foreskins and send them to the
IRS Office, and about once a year they send us a complete dick."

Amoxil is also called Amoxicillin and Advil is also called Ibuprofen.

The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra.

After careful consideration by a team of government experts, it recently announced that it has settled on the generic name of Mycoxafloppin. Also considered were Mycoxafailin, Mydixadrupin, Mydixarizin, Dixafix, and of course, Ibepokin.

Pfizer Corp. announced today that Viagra will soon be available in liquid form,and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for use as a mixer.

It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one.

Obviously we can no longer call this a soft drink, and it gives new meaning to the names of 'cocktails', 'highballs' and just a good old-fashioned 'stiff drink'.

Pepsi will market the new concoction by the name of: MOUNT & DO.

Thought for the day: There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer's research.

This means that by 2020, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them!

1. The sport of choice for unemployed or incarcerated people is: basketball.
2. The sport of choice for maintenance level employees is: bowling.
3. The sport of choice for blue-collar workers is: football.
4. The sport of choice for supervisors is: baseball.
5. The sport of choice for middle management is: tennis.
6. The sport of choice for corporate officers is: golf.

Conclusion: The higher you rise in the corporate structure, the smaller your balls become.

"That's a nice bike," he says. "Did santa bring it to you?"

The little boy replies, "he sure did!"

The cop says, "well next year tell santa to put a taillight on that bike." and issues him a $20.00 safety hazard ticket.

The little boy, admiring the horse says, "thats a nice horse, did santa bring it to you?"

Humoring the little boy the cop says, "why yes he did!"

The little boy says, "well next year have santa put the dick underneath instead of on top!"

Their domestic tranquility had long been the talk of the town. People would say,  'What a peaceful & loving couple.'

The local newspaper reporter was inquiring as to the secret of their long and happy marriage.

The Husband replied:  "Well, it dates back to our honeymoon in America," explained the man.

We visited the Grand Canyon in Arizona and took a trip down to the bottom of the canyon, by horse.

We hadn't gone too far when my wife's horse stumbled and she almost fell off.

My wife looked down at the horse and quietly said, 'That's once.'

We proceeded a little further and her horse stumbled again. Again my wife quietly said, 'That's twice.'

We hadn't gone a half-mile when the horse stumbled for the third time my wife got off the horse, quietly removed a revolver from her purse and shot the horse dead.

I SHOUTED at her, 'What's wrong with you, Woman! Why did you shoot the poor animal like that, are you *%&#@$ crazy!?'

She looked at ME, and quietly said, 'That's once.'

And from that moment..... we have lived happily every after.

10 years later, at age 50, the friends once again discussed where they should meet for dinner.  Finally it was agreed that they would meet at the Ocean View restaurant because the food was good and the wine selection was excellent.
10 years later, at age 60, the friends again discussed where they should meet for dinner. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at the Ocean View restaurant because they could dine in peace and quiet and the restaurant had a beautiful view of the ocean.

20 years later, at age 80, the friends discussed where they should meet for dinner. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at the Ocean View restaurant because the restaurant was wheelchair accessible and had an elevator.

10 years later, at  90 years of age, the friends again discussed where they should meet for  dinner. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at the Ocean View restaurant because they had never been there before.

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