A blonde went out to her mail box and looked in, closed the door and went back in the house. A few minutes later she went out and looked in the mail box again.
She did this several times and her neighbor that was watching her said: "You must be expecting a very important letter today the way you keep looking into your mail box."
The blonde answered, "No, I am working on my computer and it keeps telling me that I have mail."
Read More...A blonde was upset she could not sell her car after being about 6 months of trying to sell her vehicle privately and not having any luck.
Her friend asked her how many miles she had on her car and she said that she had 232,000 miles on her car. Her friend told her that that was the problem and that she had a brother who was a mechanic and that he could turn back the mileage on her car to about 40,000. The blonde was ecstatic and had him turn the mileage back on her car.
Two months later her friend asked her how the sale of her car went. The blonde told her friend why should she sell her car when it only has 40,000 miles on it.
A blonde gets home early from shopping and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom.
She rushes upstairs only to find her husband naked lying on the bed, sweating and panting.
‘What’s up?’ she asks.
‘I think I’m having a heart attack,’ cries the husband.
The blonde rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as she’s dialing, her four-year-old son comes up and says, ‘Mommy! Mommy! Aunty Shirley is hiding in your wardrobe and she’s got no clothes on!’
The blonde slams the phone down and storms back upstairs into the bedroom, right past her husband, rips open the wardrobe door and sure enough, there is her sister, totally naked and cowering on the floor.
‘You rotten hussy,’ she screams. ‘My husband’s having a heart attack, and you’re running around naked playing hide and seek with the kids!!
A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons or prior experience. She mounts the horse unassisted and the horse immediately springs into motion.
It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle. In terror, she grabs for the horse’s mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse’s neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly ignorant of its slipping rider. Finally, giving up her frail grip, the blonde attempts to leap away from the horse and throw herself to safety. Unfortunately, her foot becomes entangled in the stirrup, and she is now at the mercy of the horse’s pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground over and over…
As her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away from unconsciousness when to her great fortune, Bobby, the Wal-Mart greeter, sees her and unplugs the horse.
You are blond and on a bus, when you suddenly fart. Luckily the music is very loud. So every time you fart, you time it with the music. When you start making your way to the door, as you exit the bus, everybody is throwing dagger looks at you, and you suddenly realize……….. you’re listening to your I-POD!!!
A blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan Officer. She says she’s going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000. The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Mercedes Benz SL 500. The car is parked on the street in front of the bank.
She has the Title, and everything checks out. The bank agrees to accept the car collateral for the loan. The bank’s president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the blonde for using a $110,000 Benz as collateral against a $5,000 Loan. An employee of the bank then proceeds to drive the Benz into the bank’s underground garage and parks it there.
Two weeks later, the blonde returns. She repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41.
The loan officer says, “Miss, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire.
What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000?”
The blonde replies, “Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?”
AT LAST, a smart blonde joke!
Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch. Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble.
In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull from the stockyard in a far town so that they can breed their own stock. They only have $600 left.
Upon leaving, the brunette tells her sister, “When I get there, if I decide to buy the bull, I’ll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home.”
The brunette arrives at the stockyard, inspects the bull, and decides she wants to buy it. The man tells her that he will sell it for $599, no less.
After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram to tell her the news. She walks into the telegraph office and says, “I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that I’ve bought a bull for our ranch. I need her to hitch the trailer to our pickup truck and drive out here so we can haul it home.”
The telegraph operator explains that he’ll be glad to help her, then adds, “It’s just 99 cents a word.”
Well, after paying for the bull, the brunette only has $1 left. She realizes that she’ll only be able to send her sister one word.
After a few minutes of thinking, she nods and says, “I want you to send her the word ” comfortable..”
The operator shakes his head. “How is she ever going to know that you want her to hitch the trailer to your pickup truck and drive out here to haul that bull back to your ranch if you send her just the word “comfortable?”
The brunette explains, “My sister’s blonde. The word’s big. She’ll read it very slowly … com-for-da-bull.”
A plane is on its way to Toronto, when a blonde in economy class gets up, and moves to the first class section and sits down.
The flight attendant watches her do this, and asks to see her ticket she then tells the blonde that she paid for economy class, and that she will have to sit in the back.
The blonde replies, ‘I’m blonde, I’m beautiful, I’m going to Toronto and I’m staying right here.’
The flight attendant goes into the cockpit and tells the pilot and the co-pilot that there is a blonde bimbo sitting in first class, that belongs in economy, and won’t move back to her seat.
The co-pilot goes back to the blonde and tries to explain that because she only paid for economy she will have to leave and return to her seat.
The blonde replies, ‘I’m blonde, I’m beautiful, I’m going to Toronto and I’m staying right here.’
The co-pilot tells the pilot that he probably should have the police waiting when they land to arrestthis blonde woman who won’t listen to reason.
The pilot says, ‘You say she is a blonde? I’ll handle this; I’m married to a blonde. I speak blonde.’
He goes back to the blonde and whispers in her ear, and she says, ‘oh, I’m sorry.’ and gets up and goes back to her seat in economy…
The flight attendant and co-pilot are amazed and asked him what he said to make her move without any fuss.
‘I told her, ‘First class isn’t going to Toronto ‘.