Funny Things To Email & Forward

A man walks into a drug store with his 8-year old son. They happen to walk by the condom display, and the boy asks, ‘What are these, Dad?’

To which the man matter-of-factly replies, ‘Those are called condoms, son. Men use them to have safe sex.’
 
‘Oh I see,’ replied the boy. ‘Yes, I’ve heard of that in health class at school.’ He looks over the display and picks up a Package of 3 and asks, ‘Why are there 3 in this package?’

The dad replies, ‘Those are for high school boys, one for Friday, one for Saturday, and one For Sunday.’

‘Cool’ says the boy. He notices a 6 pack and asks, ‘Then who are these for?’ 

Those are for college men,’ the dad answers. ‘TWO for Friday, TWO for Saturday and TWO for Sunday.’

‘WOW!’ exclaimed the boy, ‘Then who uses THESE?’ he asks, picking up a 12Pack.

With a sigh and a tear in his eye, the dad replied, ‘Those are for Married men. One for January, one for February, one for March……..’

Do you see a man or a donkey in this picture?  If you stare at the man’s chest, you may see a donkey head.  Can you see it?

(1) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.
(2) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.
(3) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.

(4) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don’t Do It!
(5) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)
(6) That’s Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That’s okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.
(7) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you’re welcome. (I want to add in a clause here – This is true, unless she says ‘Thanks a lot’ – that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say ‘you’re welcome.’  that will bring on a ‘whatever’).
(8) Whatever: Is a woman’s way of saying F– YOU!
(9) Don’t worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking ‘What’s wrong?’ For the woman’s response refer to # 3.

My come back?  Well, I’d have to say that we women wouldn’t have to use those words if men didn’t F***k up all the time!