Funny Things To Email & Forward

A  blonde walks into a bank in New York  City   and asks for the loan Officer. She says she’s going  to Europe on business for two  weeks and needs to borrow $5,000. The bank officer says the  bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the  blonde hands over the keys to a new Mercedes Benz SL  500.  The car is parked on the street in front of the  bank.   

She has the Title, and everything checks out. The bank  agrees to accept the car collateral for the loan. The  bank’s president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the blonde for using a $110,000 Benz as collateral  against a $5,000 Loan. An employee of the bank then  proceeds to drive the Benz into the bank’s underground  garage and parks it there.

Two weeks later, the blonde  returns. She repays the $5,000 and the interest, which  comes to $15.41.

The loan officer says, “Miss, we are  very happy to have had your business, and this transaction  has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled.  While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire.

What puzzles us is, why would  you bother to borrow $5,000?”

The blonde replies, “Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I  return?”

AT LAST, a smart blonde  joke!

To my friends who enjoy a glass of wine…And those who don’t.
As Ben Franklin said; “In wine there is wisdom, in water there is bacteria”.  In a number of carefully controlled trials, scientists have demonstrated that if we drink 1 liter of water each day, at the end of the year we would have absorbed more than 1 kilo of Escherichia coli, (E. Coli) - bacteria found in feces.  In other words, we are consuming 1 kilo of poop.
However, we do NOT run that risk when drinking wine because alcohol has to go through a purification process of boiling, filtering and/or fermenting.

Remember: Water = Poop Wine = Health!!!

Therefore, it’s better to drink wine and talk stupid, than to drink water and be full of shit…

A young man married a beautiful woman who had previously divorced 10 husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband to “Please be gentle; I’m still a virgin.” 

“What?” said the puzzled groom. “How can that be if you’ve been married ten times?”

“Well, husband #1 was a Sales Representative; he kept telling me how great it was going to be.

Husband # 2 was in Software Services; he was never really sure how it was suppose to function; but he said he’d look into it and get back with me.

Husband # 3 was from Field Services; he said that everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn’t get the system up.

Husband # 4 was in Telemarketing; even though he knew he had the order, he didn’t know when he would be able to deliver.

Husband # 5 was an Engineer, he understood the basic process but he wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.

Husband #6 was from Administration; he thought he knew how but he wasn’t sure whether it was his job or not.

Husband # 7 was in Marketing; although he had a product, he was never sure how to position it.

Husband # 8 was a Psychiatrist; all he did was talk about it.

Husband # 9 was a Gynecologist; all he did was look at it.

Husband # 10 was a Stamp Collector; all he ever did was … God I still miss him.

But now that I’ve married you, I’m so excited!” 

“Wonderful!” said the husband. “But why?”

“You’re with the government … this time I KNOW I’m gonna get SCREWED!”

If only my wife was this dirty?!  Is that as dirty as he wants her?  I’ve seen dirtier cars…