Funny Things To Email & Forward

A plane is on its way to Toronto, when a blonde in economy class gets up, and moves to the first class section and sits down.

The flight attendant watches her do this, and asks to see her ticket she then tells the blonde that she paid for economy class, and that she will have to sit in the back.
The blonde replies, ‘I’m blonde, I’m beautiful, I’m going to Toronto and I’m staying right here.’

The flight attendant goes into the cockpit and tells the pilot and the co-pilot that there is a blonde bimbo sitting in first class, that belongs in economy, and won’t move back to her seat.

The co-pilot goes back to the blonde and tries to explain that because she only paid for economy she will have to leave and return to her seat.

The blonde replies, ‘I’m blonde, I’m beautiful, I’m going to Toronto and I’m staying right here.’

The co-pilot tells the pilot that he probably should have the police waiting when they land to arrestthis blonde woman who won’t listen to reason.

The pilot says, ‘You say she is a blonde? I’ll handle this; I’m married to a blonde. I speak blonde.’

He goes back to the blonde and whispers in her ear, and she says, ‘oh, I’m sorry.’ and gets up and goes back to her seat in economy…

The flight attendant and co-pilot are amazed and asked him what he said to make her move without any fuss.

‘I told her, ‘First class isn’t going to Toronto ‘.

1. A man comes into the ER and yells, “My wife’s going to have her baby in the cab!” I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady’s dress, and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs -and I was in the wrong one.

Submitted by Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Antonio, TX.

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2. At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient’s anterior chest wall. “Big breaths,” I instructed. “Yes, they used to be,” replied the patient.

Submitted by Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA

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3. One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he had died of a “massive internal fart.”

Submitted by Dr. Susan Steinberg, Manitoba, Canada

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4. During a patient’s two week follow-up appointment with his cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble with one of his medications. “Which one?” I asked. “The patch. The nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and now I’m running out of places to put it!” I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn’t see. Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body! Now, the instructions include removal of the old patch before applying a new one.

Submitted by Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk, VA

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5. While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, “How long have you been bedridden?” After a look of complete confusion she answered…”Why, not for about twenty years – when my husband was alive.”

Submitted by Dr. Steven Swanson, Corvallis , OR

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6. I was caring for a woman and asked, “So how’s your breakfast this morning?” “It’s very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can’t seem to get used to the taste” the patient replied. I then asked to see the jelly and the woman produced a foil packet labeled “KY Jelly.”

Submitted by Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit, MI

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7. A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room, when a young woman with purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos, and wearing strange clothing, entered. It was quickly determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for immediate surgery. When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green, and above it there was a tattoo that read, “Keep off the grass.”

Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the patient’s dressing, which said, “Sorry, had to mow the lawn.”

Submitted by RN no name

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AND FINALLY!!!…………….

8. As a new, young MD doing his residency in OB, I was quite embarrassed when performing female pelvic exams. To cover my embarrassment I had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly.

The middle-aged lady upon whom I was performing this exam suddenly burst out laughing and further embarrassing me. I looked up from my work and sheepishly said, “I’m sorry. Was I tickling you?” She replied, “No doctor, but the song you were whistling was, “I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener”.

Dr. wouldn’t submit his name

A new supermarket opened near my house.

It has an automatic water mister to keep the produce fresh. Just before it goes on, you hear the sound of distant thunder and the smell of fresh rain.

When you pass the milk cases, you hear cows mooing and you experience the scent of fresh mown hay.

In the meat department there is the aroma of charcoal grilled steaks.

When you approach the egg case, you hear hens cluck and cackle, and the air is filled with the pleasing aroma of eggs frying for breakfast.

The bread department features the tantalizing smell of fresh baked bread & cookies.

I don’t buy toilet paper there any more.

A biker is riding by the zoo, when he sees a little girl leaning into the lion’s cage. Suddenly, the lion grabs her by the cuff of her jacket and tries to pull her inside to slaughter her, under the eyes of her screaming parents. The biker jumps off his bike, runs to the cage, and hits the lion square on the nose with a powerful punch. Whimpering from the pain, the lion jumps back letting go of the girl, and the biker brings her to her terrified parents, who thank him endlessly.

A Los Angeles reporter has seen the whole scene, and addressing the biker says, “Sir, this was the most gallant and brave thing I saw a man do in my whole life.”

“Why, it was nothing,” said the biker. “Really, the lion was behind bars. I just saw this little kid in danger, and acted as I felt right.”

“I noticed a patch on your jacket,” said the journalist.

“Yeah, I ride with a Christian motorcycle club,” the biker replies.

“Well, I’ll make sure this won’t go unnoticed. I’m a journalist, you know, and tomorrow papers will have this on the first page.

The journalist leaves.

The following morning the biker buys the paper to see if it indeed brings news of his actions, and on the first page he reads:

“RIGHT WING BIKER GANG MEMBER ASSAULTS AFRICAN IMMIGRANT AND STEALS HIS LUNCH!!!

Are you right brained or left brained?

While ago, a friend emailed me this link. It shows a woman spinning. If you see her spinning clockwise, you’re right brained. But if you see her spinning counterclockwise, you’re left brained. According to the article, right brained people are more “artistic” and use more of their feelings. Left brained people are more “logical” and are more practical.

Click here to see the spinning woman and to see whether you are artistic or logical.

See if you can get the woman to switch between spinning clockwise and counterclockwise. For some reason, some people can easily see her spinning in both directions. As for me, I can only see her spinning clockwise. I just can not make her spin counterclockwise.